dear diary,

i woke up with a heavy and sad heart today... despite the hectic schedule that i had... despite all the drinking for the past 3 days... those margaritas and tanduay ice didn't help me get numb... despite all the laughter while training... despite all the busy times at work... despite the super duper fun swimming like an 8 year old kid @ fontana... my heart feels empty... i don't know if i should be remoarseful of my decisions because i keep on risking myself to someone that i am sure of but he is not sure of me. how could it be so unfair all the time? i am always true but ALL he shows me  ARE his inhibitions and secrets not to mention the rejection, embarrassment you put me through all the time... IS THERE something wrong wITH me? if you don't want to do anything with me all you have to do is say goodbye but please don't take me for granted :((