Give me a reason...BUFFY

One of my all time favorite song...
I was playing this song on our way to marquee..
My cousin Gino thought I was singing it for him...
He doesn't know, I was so in to the song as well...haha

Four O'clock I still can't find you
Scared of what our love has come to
I wait by the phone and I feel so alone
I cared for you
I think about the way you treat me
You care about your friends before me
Taken for granted and left empty handed
I needed you
Wish you could see how much I did for you than me
And if I could, I would turn all the bad to good

Chorus:
Give me, just give me a reason (Why should I come back to you?)
If you love me, then show me you care, (then) I'll be there
[repeat above]

Can't you see how much you hurt me
To give away your love so easily?
I opened my eyes and saw your lies
Now you're on your knees
I think about the way that you treat me
To take you back you've got to show me
Say that you love me
So show me you care, then I'll be there
Wish you could see how much I did for you than me
And if I could, I would turn all the bad to good

Chorus

You know that I loved you
But you treated me so bad
You've got to change if you want me back
And maybe it won't hit you until you lose the one you had

Random thoughts for today Monday January 31, 2011

Thank God that evil prankster did not text me. To my trauma even in my dreams he is texting me those b.s. text that he sends me. I don’t know how some people can do such shameful act. What do they ever get in it?

Thank you I was able to have a good time last Friday with the Bru’s. Sempai was good, delicious eat all you can Japanese food. Thanks to Mira as it was her birthday treat. I look groggy the whole time. I hated the pictures that we took, no matter how I projected I look terrible… we went to ciocolo as well, big improvement by the way! Haven’t been there since like a year ago?

Saturday sneaking around with you… it was only for an hour or so but it felt like I was with you for a lifetime. Will I ever see you again? Will I ever have another moment alone with you? Wishful thinking…

Sunday is FAMILY DAY. Advance birthday celebration of my dad. Had a very sumptuous lunch, I ate a lot maybe because I did not have breakfast earlier oh wait I did I think I ate like a quarter of an apple. Fortune restaurant was filled with customers like us dining and it was a good thing that my aunties went ahead of us they were able to get some seats and table. We complained about the service because it was awful. We ordered iced tea and got it after all of us were done eating. They got the food tray that was assigned to our table while we were still using it. The hot tea that we requested was already cold when it was served to our table. The extra soup bowl that I asked for never came. The chili sauce that I wanted to put on my soup came after I finished eating my soup. They even put our food to where a lot of people pass by. I went directly to the manager and complained. We told him our concern in a very calm manner as we would not want to make a scene. Though I was completely exasperated with the scenario. Whew I think I am learning to be patient! Clap clap for me!

The green hornet. Went off to marquee mall right after eating lunch at Sm. Whenever I watch movies now a days how I wished and so hoped that I am with that special someone. AS Nelly Furtado would sing “WHO WANTS TO BE ALONE?” Wishes and dreams can come true. I still believe in that… did I mention that the movie was good! Entertaining indeed!

The Lord appeared to him from afar, saying “I have loved you with an everlasting love...” JEREMIAH 31:3
This verse is very comforting for me as the Lord is very much in love with us no matter who we are, no matter how much we sin he will always give us a second chance to redeem ourselves with no judgment In case nobody will say this line to me I know that the Lord has told me so.

Just run away
from these lies
back to yesterday
safe tonight
I feel the sun creeping up like tick-tock
I’m trying to keep you in my head but if not
we’ll just keep running from tomorrow with our lips locked
yeah you got me begging begging
baby please don’t go
if I wake up tomorrow will you still be here
I don’t know
if you feel the way I do
if you leave I’m gonna find you
Baby please don’t go go go go
Baby please don’t go go go go
Baby please don’t go go go go
Baby please don’t
Baby please don’t
Baby please don’t run away
As MIKE POSNER sings this song it only reminds me of you again…how can I not think of you during my free time? When all I wanna do is forget you. Why can I not just stop thinking about you? As I play it over and over on my radio… I am sure as soon as i get on my car I will surely play it all over again. Together with the song City of Gods by Pitbull. For some strange reason this song reminds me so much of you.

As the Tagalog song “Kung ako na lang sana ang iyong minahal di kana muling luluha” when I don’t even listen to tagalong music that much but yet again it is so much fitted in my state.

All these random thoughts just hit me today. As for work it is still very stressful. Good thing my colleague Anton called me up and started to tell jokes, made me laugh it out and inspired me to have a great day.

This would be the second day of not texting you and vice versa. Will I ever survive? Will you forget me? Will you miss me? Wishful thinking again.

I love blogging. It takes away the pain from my chest. It lessens the sadness, frustration and the sting I have in my chest…

One day, some day I will be ok whether you realize it or not…

ENTER SANDBAG

I had too many guy friends and best friends in my life time. I know how to discern who is real, meaning he doesn’t have any effect what so ever on me. The one whom I can run to in times of desperate measures like car problems/ troubles or we can just hang out the whole time with no agenda or anything. Sometimes even confide my love problems. They provide good humor really they do, even give the best manly insight’s point of view. But sometimes there would always be that stray cat, meaning the one who would mislead you, be sweet all the time, talk to you all the time, burn the phone lines the whole day the whole time. They would discuss something in general that would make you believe that he wants you. Not that I am an assuming person but something strong tells me so. You just can’t explain. It’s like a mixture of butterflies in your stomach and cobwebs in your chest it’s just like you had a sugar rush or a combination of hyperventilation of some sort…got my point? Its complete chaos you just can’t explain. So I had all these experience when I was in college. The first guy was our family friend we hang out together alone, as if it felt like dating but not. The second one I thought he was about to court me but NOT (again)he just wanted someone to talk to, just to get a girl’s point of view regarding what nice gifts or where should he take her for dinner or even analyze what she just said on her letter, so in short I’m his go to girl..His SANDBAG! He calls me when he is sad and if he got his heart broken with this and that girl. I tried putting up with these two guys...oh by the way they came in a different time you might think I had them both but not. I tried enduring everything and just let it flow telling myself I can wait and maybe one day they would end up realizing it is me whom they love. I tried hiding my feelings in plain sight all to myself. I tried waiting patiently but unfortunately that day didn’t come. Though when our family friend realized that he was ready to settle for me it was all too late for him as I was so in love my boyfriend. My college friend on the other hand tried telling me this one time that in case we get old and if we don’t find anybody we can be like together but during that time he was telling me that I wasn’t listening because I was dating another guy and I got heartbroken. At this point of time I can say I learned from all of these experiences that I had from these two guys. Maybe at some point they felt it too but not real. You know it is so hard to undergo these anguish that I felt while waiting that they would realize it. I am not that aggressive to tell them so because I had this fear that I might get rejected as I would never have the guts to face myself after. I just learned to dance with the music even though it was so hurtful for me. At present time we all know that I just came out of a twisted relationship. I never thought that I could also experience such episode in my life. It is very real just like in the movies. I never thought that it can be real. I’m getting tired being hurt, being left behind as I am so scared and terrified to grow old alone, I just can’t imagine me being an old maid, it’s not that I am in a hurry to get married or something but the real reason is I just don’t want to be alone. I just want to belong to someone who loves me too which is very important to me. So what am I blabbing? It goes back with the two guys who made me their sand bag for quite some time. I don’t want to waste my time again to wait for another lifetime hoping that he will feel it too. My mind is kinda in a mess right now as my heart is broken again; it’s my fault I fall in love so easily. I don’t know why it’s a thing that I have in me that even though I don’t know him but when we talk it’s like I knew him or had met him before. How will I write this? I am crazy I know… it is like déjà vu of those two guys, different guy but the same situation. I know I don’t have the right to demand or like I am the jealous girl friend because I am definitely not again. You made me happy when I was so down. Thanks to you, you made me forget my ex so effortlessly. And maybe the reason why I wasn’t interested with the last person I tried dating during my lunch break from work together with a friend maybe because I was really hoping you would be the one to show up instead and you’d be brave enough to ask me out on a date. All I am saying I don’t want to be a sandbag again. I would prefer to be alone rather than to wait for that long again. I would prefer to be alone right now because I can forget you much easier. I don’t want to gamble again as I know I will be on the losing end. I don’t want to be on the losing end anymore. I WOULD LOVE TO BE THE ONE. Deep inside me I am really hoping that you will tell me soon that you love me too. Yes love not just plain like, what I fear the most is that you might meet another girl better than me and pretend that I am your friend and you will tell me that you’re in love with her. I just wouldn’t take that. It would hurt me more than my ex had hurt me really. Believe me when I say that. Right after you repeatedly said that you don’t have any plans of pursuing me of what so ever I felt the fear, I said to myself I better find a way to stop this hallucination that eventually it will happen… as Monica sings Just Another Girl..
Am I the only one or is somebody else kissing at you? Is this my imagination?
Things ain't always what they seem. Cause I don't want to be.
Just another name in your little black book Just another face in the crowd and it's got me
shook. I've got to mean a little more to you than a space in your list of things to do. Another
g-shock gun in your Benz. Another dime piece that you can show all your friends. You can call me
crazy, say I'm insecure. But I don't wanna be just another girl.
Yes I don’t wanna be just another girl. I WOULD LOVE TO BE THE ONE. But then again that is just me saying what’s in my heart and head. It is not that I am in a hurry to have a boyfriend no it’s not that but I don’t want to put myself in an agony that I had experienced before and I know too well how it ended they never chose me. I am a jealous girl and I just can’t take you telling me that you went to this place with that girl and this girl. I would rather just let you be with those girls than me wishing too many times that I wish I was that girl. I don’t have the right to ask you why and say don’t do that to you...HELLO who am I? Just a nobody...so I better stop this. Forget you this early. It’s my fault I made myself fall in love so easily. I just don’t want to be misled anymore. Maybe this time of not talking to each other will make you forget me though I am still hoping you would miss me and realize that you love me too. I remember I told you about a song that I really really love. I never knew the title of that song for oh so long and thanks to you I now I know… and I guess this song is oh so for me singing it for you…whoa! I know! As if I could sing…but the whole song is all dedicated to you.
I just love the way Stacy Lattisaw sang it... as if she was me…
I just can't stop thinking about you
I can't explain it but
There's just something different about you
Never before had anyone affected me this way
Coz, I just can't stop thinking about

There's just something haunting about you
It's so unusual
You got this mystical myth that surrounds you
From the moment I first looked at you
I haven't been the same
'Coz' I just can't stop thinking about you

Ooohh
I want you, I need you but I'm afraid to show you
Why can't I just tell you the way I feel about you
Please help me, please tell me
I'm not the only one in love...oooh
I'm not the only one in love

There's just something different about
It's so unusual
And I never meet anyone but you
And I'm hoping that you feel for me
The way I feel for you
'Coz, I just can't stop thinking about you

Ooohh
I want you, I need you but I'm afraid to show you
Why can't I just tell you the way I feel about you
Please help me, please tell me
I'm not the only one in love...oooh
I'm not the only one in love

I hear your name and I could feel
My sadness gone to pieces
I hear your name and I'm amazed
How much I want you near me
Please help me, please tell me
I'm not the only one in love...oooh
I'm not the only one in love
Today I tried to forget and erasing you from my memory. I don’t know why does it hurt me when I only saw you for like what? Two times? I really just don’t know why? Why I fell so easily? Is it the way we communicated..grrrrr I hate me now… really I do. Maybe somehow I let myself to believe that you felt it too but I don’t think so. A friend of mine texted me a good quote today “ when our feelings get too strong for a person, it is always wise to stop for a while and give our hearts to breathe… a time to use our mind to weigh our situation based on reason and not on emotion” PING! I know I am an emotional person so I should also learn to be less emotional. But God knows I am really wishing it will be you, really I don’t know why again? I can’t answer that for my heart only know. AS kid cudi tells me that: I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.
Tell me what you know about dreamin’ dreamin’
I say to myself breathe; don’t stop believing that somehow I will be the one.

My Wednesday Prayer

Lord please help me with your grace
You will always be my rock and my only salvation
Let today be an optimistic day full of positive results
Lord help me to be productive, constructive and fruitful
Lord help me to persuade potential clients
I need a big opportunity to break the ice
All these I offer to you
So help me God
Amen.

***

January 26, 2011

The most difficult thing in the world is to be who you are not.

Better a lowly man who supports himself than one of assumed importance who lacks bread. PROVERBS 12:9

Words of Wisdom and Inspiration from
BO SANCHEZ

my version of 10 things i hate about you...

Can I be honest? (As I always am) I hate it when I text you and your reply takes so long. I hate it when you make me wait for too long. I hate it when you sleep and forget that I’m waiting. I hate it when you make me anticipate for nothing. I hate it that you ignore me. I hate it that you don’t notice me. I hate it, its making me crazy. I hate the thought of you not noticing me. I hate it! I hate it! It makes me wanna jump off the roof just to forget you with my heart scattered all over the place. I hate it when I get so emotional. I hate it when I want to cover up my emotions but I get so transparent! I hate it because your getting me all confused. I hate it when your giving me mixed signals. I hate it that you don’t show any emotions. I hate it when I’m a girl and you’re a guy. I hate it when I have to pretend to be coy. I hate it! I hate it! So what must I do? You go ahead and tell me. Do I learn to hate you? Let you go? And just forget you as if nothing? Oh but then again I realized maybe it was just me hoping that somehow you felt it too.

Tory Burch

I was so devastated when me and my ex broke up, it broke my heart even harder when he didn’t bother returning my favorite south pole shades. Those glasses saw a lot of very nice places I went to last year (2010). Deep inside of me I was really hoping that in good faith he will return my shades back to me. I waited patiently for him to give them back to me but to no avail….

SO MOVING ON, MOVING FORWARD… tin tin don’t you wait no more! Just think that you lost em!

Last December a fairy goddess granted my wish even better…She replaced my South Pole shades to A TORY BURCH SUNGLASS…

It really is true once God, take away something from you, he will surely give u something better, even greater to what you had imagined.

Cheers to a happy and very luxurious life I have... Thank you LORD GOD for always giving me a good and comfortable life.