how can i not stop?

on
writing?
Blabbing?
Being
Emotional?
Sad?

I want to slap myself
just for me to stop this!
I swear next blog should be something positive!


I just cant take this either!



Heaven give me words...propaganda!?

when my world gets mad, tired and very cold

who would comfort me?
Who would console me?
Who would say its gonna be ok?
Who would hug me?
Who?
Who?
Who

when monica sings, just one of them days, that a girl goes through
sigh
sigh
sigh

there are also times that your just not happy
when i wish that i should be dead
or i should be just invicible
when life is full of sadness
when i find no comfort
when you try to reach for someone
but nobody's there to cling on
nothing but prayer can save me now
when all these things happens
i just want to surrender myself in the convent
solitary confinement (another fave word)


when your sad and not happy
you just loose focus
you just want to give up

when all you want is the simplicity and happiness of life.

I hate me when i am in this state

so again and yet again

get up
face the world with a smile

but i am nearly waving my white flag

think of the LORD who has been ever gracious and forgiving..

couch potato

today was not my best day
dont have a car
my appointments were all cancelled
to get over my sadness and frustration
i went home secretly
to have myself a solitary confinement
as soon as i got home i ate lunch
didnt have time to eat breakfast
i was soooo hungry
right after eating i immediately took a very relaxing bath
started to download gossip girl season 4 episode 16
while waiting for my download to finish
i found a dvd copy of TANGLED
which my mom borrowed from auntie hilda
my mom knew that i had been wanting to watch this movie
and that she knew i wanted to watch it over at the cinema but i missed it :(
so it helped me relax and cheer myself up
i started watching the movie
while texting my good friend dune
he was also down with his, what else? Love life!?
So in the midst of watching the movie
i was multi tasking
so i kept on rewinding the disc once i missed out on something
how i love fairytales
how i love happy endings!
How i love when the guy falls in love with the princess
how i wish i was that it girl!?

To my heart's content
i felt a bit better
right after the movie ended
my download was finished

i used my usb to copy season 4 episode 15 (which i downloaded last saturday)
and episode 16 for me to connect it with my tv and watch it
good choice because it was crisp rather than burning it with a c.d.
I love episode 16 than 15
i had been a chuck and blair fan right from the start
but there's this thing between dan and blair!
I like them to be together
i dont want dan with serena
i want serena with a new guy
i dont want ben either for serena
i like nate and serena!
When watching serena's life
it kinda give me hope
she never loose hope with love
if her relationship with this and that guy didnt work out
she just keeps on moving on
she still have a lot of love to offer
and that's what inspires me
that no matter how hard it is to give love and be loved in return
somehow, somewhere, someone will lead the way
not the type who will just mislead you
i like the ending when blair went to brooklyn to see dan
just to watch a classic movie with him
she ended up being fired at W
she could not find comfort with anybody else but dan
i totally like pen badgely lately
i totally dig him
of all the gg boys he used to be number 3
but now he is my number one!
he really reminds me of - - - -
when i miss him all i do is take a look at dan humphrey!
So i dont feel like missing him anymore


couch potato, anyone?

It only happens once in a blue moon..

tweeny

a.k.a danell (jones) lopez
my tweeny
my sweeny (short for sweety n tweeny)
one of my macho gay friend
when all the baklang monkeys are bored they would tease him to be my boyfriend
i would cling to that and chase him around with a wet kiss
he would be like so irritated
he would also be like disgusted over me!
he would say YUCK..
but nevertheless he would always be my tweeny!


so on your birthday tweeny..i love you always!
wish you all the best
keep cool


see you tonight!
i cant wait to party!

play repeat play repeat

songs i love to hear over again

crawl...chris brown

halo... beyonce

cherish... the association

the fear...lily allen

listen to your heart...roxette

get it shawty... lloyd

icebox...omarion

say it right...nelly furtado

city of Gods... pitbull

like a G6...far east movement

once in a lifetime...gregorian

phone calls

i love having 3 phones
not that i am being boastful or whatever
but the sole reason is they help me shift my boredom to pure cheeriness
i sometimes get tied on texting
i love sending those forwarded messages because i just wanted to let my friends know that i am just here and at least put a little smile on their faces
not to mention to maximize my unlimited text option..

i also love the Thought of sometimes my 3 phones rings all at the same time and i don't know whom to answer first.

i love talking over the phone while driving, very guilty pleasure and sometimes i am just so scared as a cat to home alone in the dark!

i love call wait and conference calls..but the latter is very much the best!

i know my life revolves around the telephone..i am a certified telebabad addict!!!

don't let me fall

thanks to my cousin Gino..he told me what the title of this song
B.O.B

Well it was just a dream
Just a moment ago
I was up so high
Lookin down at the sky
Don’t let me fall
I was shooting for stars
On a Saturday night
They say what goes up
Must come down
But don’t let me fall (x3)
They say what goes up
Must come down
But don’t let me fall
Don’t let me fall

Cause I’m glidin up there
Oh so very high that if the
Clouds were to drop me
Than I’d fall out the sky
I don’t really know why I’m here
I guess I’m just here for the ride
I swear it feels like I’m dreamin
This vividly defined, yeah
So call me whenever you want
Call me whenever you’d like
But lets get one thing straight
You know my name, so I run this town
When I’m on my mic
So here I go B.O.B, Bobby Ray
I don’t know, leedahdoe
But I know that I flow
Rack em up, lock em down
Dominos, then I go
Where’s my story goes
How did I been done down here before
Come into my eastern catered home
Cause I was in the cold
Tryin to keep my toes unfroze
Now I’m in your house
Now I’m in your stove
Now I’m everywhere that your ipod goes
Everything I seen was a dream
Just a moment ago

But it was just a dream
Just a moment ago
I was up so high
Lookin down at the sky
Don’t let me fall
I was shootin for stars
B.o.b Don't Let Me Fall lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/bob-dont-let-me-fall-lyrics.html

On a Saturday night
They say what goes up
Must come down
But don’t let me fall (x2)
They say what comes up
Must go down
But don’t let me fall (x2)
They say what comes up
Must come down
But don’t let me fall
Don’t let me fall


Yeah, not far much longer
From where that pavement is
Cause there aint no parachute
That they can make for this
Cause I put my pain my heart
My soul my faith in this
Does anyone feel like how I feel
Then you can relate to this
Just a blaze of this
Maybe roll one up and take a hit
Toast to the good life
Then take a sip
Vaca(tion) everyday then take a hit
It was easy to see I was made for this
From the move all the way
To the way I spit
Just to show all you niggas
What greatness is
I’m talkin very loosic(?)
Like makin movies
To picture my life, boy
You need a higher resolution
I used to cut class everyday
Then run away at night
But now I’m ruler of the upperclass
And I don’t even write

But it was just a dream
Just a moment ago
I was up so high
Lookin down at the sky
Don’t let me fall
I was shootin for stars
On a Saturday night
They say what goes up
Must come down
But don’t let me fall

word of the day

YOU KC YOUR DRAWING!!!!

that's era sa sa english english with a friend~

i just cant help but laugh till now


it's like last song syndrome..i can't get over it!

play list for today

love the way you lie playing over MTV while still lazy laying on the very comfy bed of my hotel room.

our day will come played by the cab driver from lancaster hotel going to N. Garcia St.

silence just chit chat of era and cdl via mobile phone going to head office via taxi

on board the avanza continuous songs of Mariah Carey heading over to megamall sang real out loud when it was the song BREAKDOWN was played..very college lots of memories sank in.

on board the avanza again homeward bound got fed up with the mariah songs i missed my playlist specially THE fear. i went ahead and put on my eraphones and listened to it.

other songs that i was listening via my E72
smile in your heart
don't let me fall
when love takes over
slow
all i see is you
sway
the fear again until i was able to go home :D


NEVER be the same again over my itunes while starting and ending my story..

oh how i LIKE it!

i love my hair
i love my look
i love my make up
i love my dress
i love the colors of my dress
i love my hair piece
i love my shoes
i love edsa shang
i love awards night
i love :)

things i miss from the past

memories are the only fragments of yesterday
and yes i do cherish all those very happy moments
its always been and always will
in my heart and in my memory i keep
always forgetting the yucky not so good events

i remember
my ima who loves me too much, takes care of me, shower me with love
my yaya lucy always tucking me in before i go to sleep
my yaya belen making sure i eat. She feds me and dress me up
my yaya alma listening to music over fm radio the whole making me love music in general
my yaya marie always sleeping beside me to make sure i wont catch any bad dream

my dad spoiling me after being scolded
when i told my mom to buy me those orange esprit rubber shoes in megamall
no stock when we got there so we needed to go to sm north edsa
when i wanted to have my own room and my brother started to share a room with me
when i tried smoking my ima's cigarettes out of boredom i caught my brother smoking too and we laughed so hard
when me and my brother used to fight a lot

my first crush when i was in grade 2, i forgot his name though
how tender was my first kiss
how sweet my first love was

hiding inside the closet of my cousin to avoid my dad
my cousin jade having heart to heart talks until we fall asleep
my catfight with my bestfriend jonie but we always end up making peace with each other
odeum days with bestfriend apple
super alcoholic road trips with charo, literally drink and drive
go to subic or tarlac and get drunk while driving
when me and my friends went to pangasinan and we all got busted
we went home late, my dad freaked out wanted to go to the police and wants to file a blotter!?
Manila escapades with janssen
endless carshow with paolo
tom and me watching maalala mo kaya
cut class with bhei go to ituro mo, hang out with aji
cut class again go to bataan with boh and baldo
endless telebabad with girl friends
highschool super school bukol
bullying other kids at school
endless drinking session

sleepless in marisol

i called two friends
chit chat a bit
to make me feel relax
but still i can't sleep
it's one of them days!

So i go on blabbing releasing my frustration...
Tnx to my blog instant diary :)

simple things

as janet j would sing '' best things in life are free''
indeed, by all means they are for free
but very hard to get :(
i only got a simple wish
but how come that wish is too hard to reach?
i dont want to end up alone
it is so hard when people just touch and go
splash and dash
in and out
barge in and barge out
why wont someone stop?
Stay and be sincere?
Are those things too much to ask for?

drown

lately i had been too transparent
i need to hide my emotions
i need to control it
as bic runga would sing ''my head is battling with my heart my logic has been torn apart''

i dont want to drown myself..
Smile... Just smile
Fake it to make it

anyway i dont want to get all wrinkly and old...
Wasting and drifting from not so good thoughts...
Life is too short to spend it with negative vibes..

As i would always put it '' better days to come''

its not the way i usually plan

too many times
too many situation
not a single moment that i plan on things
i am not like my brother very focused
when he says its gonna be like this and that..believe me it is gonna be a firm one!
as my favorite word "Spontaneity" I applied that word too much
sometimes and most of the times i should not


but i tell you free falling sometimes or most of the time are the most blissful moment..

lethargic training

sleeped deprived
slow motion
not my senses
emotional


to the happy feet of CDL it scared the hell out of me
was able to sleep around 12 midnight but when i suddenly woke up i saw the happy feet smiling at me...i cant help but to laugh and laugh

now back to not sleeping

ok

try to get me some sleep


my amiga and ulat and snoring cdl with me inside the room

oh what a veryyyy longggg day..

why does it has to be complicated?

avril is that you?
Why can it not to be as simple as a true love's kiss and live happily ever after?
Can i not get my happy ending?
As sir martin would say, with matching singing bruno mars' just the way you are..
My big boss giving me a lecture on love notes over some drinks..
He made me think so hard.. Sorry to burst your bubble sweetheart he said but you better think.
Why? Why? Why?
Why should it be such a game of love?
Why? Why? Why
im not the type who is clingy, wether alone or what ever i can and know what to do.
But basically i'm just tired of being alone
i dont want to grow old alone
i know someday .....
I pray and i pray and pray so hard..

longing for some quality time

i am greatful that i have a very lucrative job but sometimes it gets me. All of that is. All the time for myself is kinda gone.
I rarely have time to be alone. I miss the days when i own my time. I can sleep the whole day. Watch movies via cable tv. See all the series i love. Facebook all i can. just basically stay at home and do nothing. relax the whole day. do some errands, go to the mall carefree. Now i only have like a day to do all of this and a day is not enuff!!! Sometimes i dont plan on going out but in just a spur of the moment i have a friend calling and inviting me out. Sometimes i am bored sometimes i am having a blast. Since last night i have been working and went home like 12 midnight. I needed to wake up early because i need to work. The whole day we have an event. And untill now its 9 minutes to 10 in the evening and i am still out when i could only think about my bed and sleep on it. I had been sleepless not to mention i feel so uninspired. Someone whom i really like, well havent heard from him the whole day. It just gets me. I dont know. As i always say daze and confused. Oh well who am i anyway? Just a nobody!? Well i hope in a few minutes will be able to go home. Get me some luxurious bath and a quality sleep. For now lets just drink to that! Bottoms up!

valentines day anyone?

what else is new?
nothing spectacular about this day
it always was to me
(though in my heart, off course who wouldn't want to have that special someone!)

thank you to my friends who texted me and extended their greetings..

just one message though got me. it says:
Happy Valentines! I will always have strong feelings of love and care towards you! Miss you!

oh well too late for you ;(

Don't LET Go...en vouge

another decade i am stuck is the 90's


just listening to it earlier

Oooh, yeah
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Hey, yeah, hey, yeah

1-What's it gonna be?
'Cause I can't pretend
Don't you wanna be more than friends?
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
You have the right to lose control
Don't let go

I often tell myself
That we could be more than just friends
I know you think that if we move too soon
It would all end
I live in misery when you're not around
And I won't be satisfied
Till we've taken those vows

2-There'll be some lovemaking
Heart breaking, soul shaking
Love ooh aah
Lovemaking, heart breaking
Soul shaking
(repeat 1)

I often fantasize the stars above, oh, a chill
They know my heart and speak to yours
Like only lovers do
If I could wear your clothes
I'd pretend I was you, and lose control
(rpt 2, 1)

Running in and out my life
Has got me so confused
You gotta make the sacrifice
Somebody's gotta chose
We can make it if we try
For the sake of you and I
Together we can make it right

What's it going to be?
Can't keep running in and out of my life
Out of my life
More than friends, oh, oh, oh
Hold me tight and don't let me go
You've got the right
I said you've got the right to lose control
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Don't break up 'cause I can't take it

just a dream

listening to nelly's Just a Dream

nothing much to say today but i was very hungry!!!!!
still need to go out and get my pictures and need to meet a client..


wish me luck!

all these in one day :(

it was a normal February 3, 2011 and it was a Thursday. It was my typical routine drop off mom at the office, the only thing different was my dad was with us because he had a courtesy call with the mayor. So right after i drop them both i went off to take my usual route...nlex. When i was about to turn left a stupid moron came crashing. It smashed my front lower bumper, i thought it was the end of me. I was so teary eyed that i need to have a strong front because i saw the man who hit my car was old not to mention he was a police! How do i know this? Because as soon as he went off his car he wore his stupid maybe a fake i.d to that matter! Just to brush me off and make sure i will be scared! To my shocked i reversed my car as soon as he hit me. I was so terrified at that moment because i thought i was about to die. I called my dad asap and he went running for me. It was all black, blurry moment.a police same to respond immediately to investigate the incident. The moron asked me instantly if i have an insurance. Its not that i have an insurance or not i just want him to admit his mistake which he never did. Why is it because I'm a girl, you think i don't know how to drive!? Well hello to you i had been driving since i was like what? 14!!! Driving has always been my favorite and not to mention my passion. We all end up at the police station near my mom's office. They was a certified hustler, he knows what he will say, do and write with his report. So the drama ended with a fake hand shake from that moron. I called my friend to call the police, i went to marquee to check on the cameras. I was at my mom's office the whole time and around 10 a.m i realized i didn't have breakfast. That was the only time that i realized haven't eaten...
So all these in one day:
i almost died, but thank you still my God i am alive
my car got crashed and smashed but thank you God only minor things.
I lost my appetite, i lost weight i think..till now i cant eat well. Oh how i wish my appetite will be back to normal.
I was able to be strong to ask how someone whom i really like, likes me and i was strong enuff to take the truth.

I know there will be better days to come :)

TUESDAY

first day for the month of february 2011
ate pansit canton for breakfast
i am thinking if i should go out tonight...
drink coffee cutie cutie tweetums tweetums effect?
or drink alcoholic stuff emote emote?

oh whatever!?