how to heal a broken me?

The question I had been trying to ask myself for the past two weeks of hitting rock bottom solid. How do I cope up with the sadness I’ve been feeling? How do I pick up myself? How do I stop wasting my tears over and over? Sure I had been in love before and experienced heart breaks, I just can’t understand why this is too painful to bear for me. It’s so unbearable. Maybe because I was so madly in love, gave my all, felt betrayed, is it because I’m getting older? Feeling frustrated and remorseful all of the same time. I keep on asking myself again, what have I ever done in my lifetime to feel this emotion? Do I deserve it? Is it because I always get what I want? And when I don’t get it, it hits me hard?? Did I lose myself in the process? Too many questions for me to answer. And only me who can answer these questions. I am very thankful for the Lord God because despite of the hurting I still owe it a lot to my parents for always putting up with me. I may feel suffocated with too much of their concern but primarily they help me tick. This would be the perfect time for me to say thank you to my close friends who had been here for me since day one. To Joni my best friend, since we were in grade two, Lea who is more than a friend and who is like a big sister to me...Jelenita, thank you so much for always replying with my text no matter what time, whether day or night. Iris, Jhandiy and vax for being such a wonderful support group. My cousins, though far and very far, always extend their love and concern for me. My brother who makes me laugh in his own little way. My kumareng Ada, who has been sending me inspirational quotes and always reminding me to buy and drink vitamins..New friends (jon and niel) who just text me out of nowhere just to make sure I am fine. I just don’t know how to stand up again after a great fall now I remember the old nursery rhyme humpty dumpty….
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
Most of the special people in my life are doing their best to make me feel whole and alive again but with me not doing my part it would be so hard. Maybe this is my wakeup call on not to escape this predicament and face it with a strong front. This time I need to deal with it and learn with it. I don’t know how? When all I can think about are my failures. Earlier I was thinking about the movie sliding doors way back 1997 or was it 98?
Starring GWYNETH PALTROW and JOHN HANNAH…Arriving at work one morning, Helen discovers that she had been unjustifiably sacked from her PR job. She is returning home when an amazing thing happens, time reverses itself for a few seconds and a second version of herself is created. In one reality Helen catches the tube train, meets James and arrives home to find her loathsome Lothario lover Gerry cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend Lydia. In the other reality, Helen misses the tube train, gets mugged, goes to hospital and eventually arrives home to find Gerry alone in the shower. The two realities move forward in tandem; in one Helen leaves Gerry and forms a happy, new, loving relationship with James; in the other Helen's live becomes more and more wretched as she takes on two jobs to support her worthless, cheating boyfriend as he supposedly writes his novel but in fact carries on a torrid affair with Lydia. (source from IMDB Mark Smith )
My point here is I hope all of these things happening to me now are like in the movies where I do have two options so that I will always end up happy. Now the question of what if I did not do what I just did and said what I just said? All these things of regrets, all regrets with my sorry ass that’s why i'm so disappointed. I want to start all over again, just rewind everything. If I was not lazy that day to go to work and have not had my car washed back in June 2010 maybe this will not happen at all. Or just like the prayer of saint Therese who always say you are where you are suppose to be. Now I don’t even know if I belong here or not… I don’t even know where I want to be. All I want is to get this hurting all behind me. As I always say let’s get this over and done with. But how come I cannot find my happy ending? I tried everything that I was doing before gallivanting alone, driving fast and driving too fast again, go to the mall, shop and buy whatever I want I did all those things that made me happy before but to no avail I still feel empty…so very blank and hollow.. Now every blog that I write always end with a positive note but sorry this time I can’t end it with a positive note… just like when MIKA sings:
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, no love, no glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I'm wasted
And I'm wastin' every day

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
As I always say before for me a new day is a new hope, a new beginning and a new chance but now a new day for me means farther and farther away from that one person that I love and never had..

Lets Learn French

I want to share with you all a funny email i received from one of my good friends Pia O. hope it will make you laugh...it made me =)
LET'S LEARN FRENCH OUII OUI???
(learning a new language helps prevent alzheimer's)

1. TURN - le coup
2. LITER - le true
3. BEHIND - le coud
4. ALMS - le mousse
5. FIVE - le ma
6 . FLY - le pad
7. DID NOT TAKE A BATH - le bag
8. CONFUSED - le tou
9. NO LONGER A VIRGIN - les pag
10. UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND - cou ma le wah
11. CITY - ce vou
12. DRUGS - sha vou
13. GOODBYE - va vou
14. MUSICAL BAND - com vou
15. BALD - cal vou
16. CAUGHT IN THE ACT - na vou coup, na coup!!
17. FEATHERS - valahe vou
18. UNCLEAR - ma la vou
19. SINK - lah va vou
20. COCONUT - vou coup
21. OPEN WIDE - vou camou
22. CIRCUMCISE - vou ratattoule
23. ALWAYS UP - va yagriah
24. YOU'RE HOT - le voug mou
25. WASHROOM - coup vaetta
26. JAIL - coup lou ngan
27. SUPER BOOBS - la que zõusõu
28. BUGER - cõup la ngõut
29. WOUNDS - va cõup cängh
30. BIG MOUTH - chez moussa
31. NAGGER - vou nga nguerrah
32. TADPOL - vou teiteh
33. JOSEPH ESTRADA - vou vou!!